


I Have Never

by Aynde



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Complete, Crack, F/M, I am so sorry, Mentions of bestiality, Oneshot, huehue, it wouldn't leave my head, not with solas - yet, shapeshifting style
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-30
Updated: 2015-01-30
Packaged: 2018-03-09 17:54:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3258983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aynde/pseuds/Aynde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone is merrily drunk around a campfire, playing a rather daring game of I have Never. Blackwall takes his chance to finally try and catch Solas with randy details of Fade exploration, but everyone gets distracted when Lavellan drinks as well. </p><p>She becomes the focus of attention as she recounts the tale of how One time, during Arlathvhen, she was rather a naughty elf.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Have Never

**Author's Note:**

> So somehow this went from, "I bet Blackwall would try and use a I've Never game to get Solas's goat, to, what if Lavellan drank to it as well?' It spiraled from there - I could NOT stop thinking of this until it was written.

"Alright, I got one." Blackwall announced, his eyes on Solas as his lips twitched. "I’ve never slept outside my own species. Excluding Qunari and, well, people in general." He added as an afterthought, glancing at The Iron Bull.

Solas let out a huff. “Truly? This again?” Nevertheless, he downed the shot.

Sera let out a squawk of glee following the admission, and Solas frowned, only to follow her gaze.

Lavellan had taken the shot as well.

"Fess up, Herald!" The loudmouth elf slurred, grabbing Ellana's arm and pulling her close.

Lavellan frowned. “I was young. I’m sure everyone has a crazy adolescent story.”

"No way, Boss." Bull interjected, eyes narrowing on her and dancing with glee. "I’m calling my fess up card too."

Lavellan looked around helplessly, and Solas sympathized with her - but no way was he going to feed Blackwall’s twelve year old himself, as he was sure the Warden had intended.

"Alright, " She capitulated, "But you might not want to know the details once I start. This is a reputation ruiner." Ellana warned them, an eye on Cassandra in particular.

"I  _was_ young," She stressed, violet eyes going glassy in recollection. " And a bit reckless. This happened in Arlathvhen, the great gathering of Clans, before the Fifth Blight. Almost fifteen years ago now."

Seventeen and stupid, what a combination. “The gathering took place, and a lot of us were showing off. The usual Dalish bullshit,” she admitted with a wry smile, “I can shoot my arrow clean between the tree branches, or, I can balance on my own icicle and cast lightening at fools. That kind of stuff.”

Lavellan paused to take another shot of courage, then forged on. “So in comes this Elf, I think he might have been from Clan Virnehn, or maybe Elandron. It doesn’t matter. So Senan showed off that he’d learned to shapeshift!”

There were a few startled looks around the fire, and a few dawning looks of dismay as they remembered Blackwall’s ‘I never’ that started this off.

By this point, Ellana figured it was in for a silver in for a sovereign, so Ellana got comfortable, smirking at them with an air of confidence. “We were appropriately jealous of course. It’s a great magical skill to have. But as he trotted around us, I couldn’t help but notice his, ah, poking sheath if you will, in his excitement to show off. He was a mabari.” She added as an afterthought.

"We're oohing and ahhing and demanding he teach us, but things go back to normal pretty soon. But little did I know, one of his clan mates, Seranni, saw exactly what I was looking at. She came to me later that day and made a bet  - if I could convince him to sleep with me before the end of Arlathvhen, she'd teach me how to ensnare with thornblades. It seemed wholly in my favor."

Cassandra was looking ill, and Ellana kept the smirk off her face through great effort. She wondered how her diplomat would be able to quell  _this_. Lavellan had been honest when she said it was a  _reputation ruiner._

"So how'd you do it?" Sera asked with a slur as she refilled her mug. "It can't have been as easy as 'Oy dog-boy let's go shag in the bushes yeah?' I mean, stupid only goes so far."

"In theory, you're not wrong about that." Lavellan said with a laugh. "As Seranni put it, to seduce a dog you have to well, talk like a dog, if that makes sense. So I won't lie, I set aside a few days for studying canine behavior. There was still a good week left of Arlathvhen when I cornered him, however."

"Not that it mattered in the end. I barely had time to ambush him, get on my knees and demand him to take me like he was the Dread Wolf himself before I found myself pinned by a giant dog."

Solas's ears burned. He couldn't believe - had she really? He caught her eyes and felt a stirring in him at the obvious desire that still shined.  _Fenedhis._

Lavellan continued with a wicked grin. "Truth be told, that was  _more_ than half the thrill. It didn't matter that he was a nobody Second from a Clan based in Ferelden. In those moments, he was the embodiment of power, quick and forceful. And I felt such blasphemous undertones, that I was being taken by Fen'harel himself...."

Solas let out a careful breath and closed his eyes. Yes, he could see it. A great white wolf pinning her in place, the echoing growls if she tried to escape because  _she was his now, tethered until he decided otherwise._

Sera snorkled loudly into the night, jarring Solas from his thoughts. "You'd do it aggaiin wouldn't you! I betcha would!" Beside her, the Seeker was clearly praying to the Maker that this would end soon, a blush turning her face a ruddy brick.

"I wouldn't touch Senan again if he were the last Elf on Thedas, the only hope for the future of our Empire." Lavellan said in a dry tone. She continued before anyone else could open their mouths and interrupt. "A problem came about two days later."

"He approached Keeper Deshanna with some fresh kills and newly tanned hides." Ellana said dispassionately. Solas was the only one who reacted, of course, hissing a breath between his teeth. "To  _open negotiations._ " She clarified.

"See,  _apparently_ , he went and figured it was bigger than I made it. He spouted bits about proposing to be first to spawn the next generation to keep magic among the Dalish, and how 'I accepted him at his most base'  so  _of course_  it was love and he might've thrown in some scent marking mabari imprinting bullshit that I didn't believe for a second. But at the time, well, I was burning with embarassment."

"Pretty much everyone knew what he was referring to. And he was declaring this not just to my Clan. No, this was Arlathvhen. Dozens of Clans gathered together. The whispers that spread that day - The First of Lavellan let herself be taken by a dog like a common bitch, they said."

For something that Lavellan was describing as an old hurt, she looked mightily proud of it. It might have been the fact she was drunk, however.

"So as Senan turns to me and declares that he won't allow any other recourse than for us to be together, I'm too shocked to speak up." Ellana said, then stood abruptly, striking a pose. "And in came my rescuer! Seranni fessed up to her sister, First of their Clan, about the bet. And she was  _pissed_. Not at me, thankfully. She stormed right up and tore Senan a new asshole."

"Senan walked away with his tail between his legs, and for all that I was the talk of that Arlathvhen, I walked away having gained a lot more than him." Ellana finished, and leaned over Sera to grab the bottle from Cassandra's slack grip. She took a long pull and flashed her teeth. "So, there you have it. The tale of how, I, Ellana Lavellan, slept outside my species."

"I still think you'd do it again." Sera said brashly, egging her on.

Ellana contemplated. "I already told you I wouldn't ever touch him again. And Sera, it's been years. I've grown up. I'm not about to go chasing some dog on a stupid whim."

"Ah, but there must be some other shapeshifters out there, Boss." Iron Bull pointed out the hole in her statement.

"That doesn't mean it makes the list of what I'm looking for." Was all she said with a tone of finality. "I'm afraid these days I look for a bit more sophistication than someone showing off a hardon in public." Ellana's thoughts turned to how careful conversations and delights of wit as opposed to mere sex made her heart bubble these days.

"Damn! That rules me out." Bull said with a grin.

Solas spoke up for the first time since this all began. "But what about the Dread Wolf?"

Lavellan hesitated, then decided that she was definately drunk enough to share this truth. "I think I'll always make an exception for the prowess of Fen'harel."

Ellana told herself she wasn't turned on by the wicked look that came into Solas's eyes. Besides, it'd never happen, right?

**Author's Note:**

> I almost wanted to end it on Lavellan declaring for her turn, "I have never licked a lamppost in winter." Except that'd be a lie, wouldn't it. XP Plus I ended it on a more shippy note, which I prefer.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this jaunt, it was hysterical to write. I claim it done, with hints towards what might happen in the future.
> 
> If anyone EVER wants to continue this naughty piece, BE MY GUEST. It's finished for me, I got what I wanted. But, well, I think? the set up is smooth for more.


End file.
